Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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