Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
