this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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