Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
