half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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