I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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