Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
