Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
