I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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