if i can run in heels then i can drive
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
