Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
