Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
