"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
