You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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