I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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