he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
