please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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