The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize