Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
