the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
