Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
