i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
