dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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