well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
