can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
