Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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