A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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