I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
