wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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