My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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