who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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