And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
