they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
