I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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