Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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