And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
