I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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