He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
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I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
this is an emotional support booty call
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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