Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
