we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
