hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
