Got a toothbrush?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
