maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
