yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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