Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
only if we run a train.
done.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
