Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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