So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
