He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize