its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
nutella sex= disaster
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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