are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
