T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The dick lei will go down in squad history
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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