So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We need to get me chipped asap
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
