Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
