u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
