I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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