if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
