Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
