i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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