I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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