Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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