i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
is it fun? or sober?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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