Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
