hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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