if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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