I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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