I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
