I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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