That's intense
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
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she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
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You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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