dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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