dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
