I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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