i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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