She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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