Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
