is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
