just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The uberlube is also flammable
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize