I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
