All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
